"How are you feeling right now, in this moment?" I remember my first coaching session with Jen, and this was one of the first things she asked me. To be honest, I had a really hard time answering that question. "Do I say what I think she wants me to say? How am I actually feeling in this exact moment? Is it ok for the answer to be tired, worn down, unbalanced?"
I went back and forth on how to respond and ultimately I was honest. I told her how I was feeling; the good, the bad, and everything in between. It was such a good feeling and a huge sense of relief. That was the start of changing things - the way I thought, the way I ate, the way I lived, even the way I loved. The process of learning about myself - exploring the things that hold me back, while applying strategies to move through them successfully has been such a blessing.
I lost both of my parents when I was young, and to say that was the worst experience of my life is a tremendous understatement. My father and I were so close, the very best of friends, and losing him will forever be the hardest thing I've ever gone through. My mom and I had a bit more of a complicated relationship, she made some choices that unfortunately had a detrimental effect on those that loved her. It is amazing how a loss of any kind is never truly put to rest. Loss changes us, and if we allow it, it can change us for the better.
There have been moments in my coaching journey where I've had to sit in these experiences and allow myself to feel each and every emotion. Learning to embrace the experiences that have made me who I am is such a gift, and I am forever thankful to Jen for teaching me the ways to positively embrace my past and move forward into a beautiful life. She has taught me how to love myself, the person I was in the past, who I am today, and who I'll become years from now.