Feeling Resistant? Here’s What It Really Means (and What to Do About It)
Have you ever felt resistance to something you know you need to do? Maybe you even WANT to do it, but for some reason, you just can’t seem to take action.
You want to grow your business, but instead of showing up and selling boldly, you keep holding back because you’re afraid to “annoy” potential clients.
You want to feel more energetic and focused, but instead of going to bed earlier, you stay up too late doomscrolling (personally working on this one).
You want to implement a new strategy in your business, but instead of taking action to see how well it works, you only focus on all the reasons it won't work for you.
Feeling stuck in resistance is so frustrating. You might even be asking yourself:
“What’s wrong with me?!”
That’s what my client (we’ll call her Layla) said to me a few days after one of our sessions.
She was leveling up in her business in some major ways. Basically shifting her entire marketing strategy and letting go of parts of her business that were no longer aligned with who she was or what she wanted. In addition to working on her mindset, we were creating tangible strategies she could implement to help her succeed in a way that felt good for her.
To say there were a LOT of changes going on at once would be an understatement.
So when she reached out to me after the session and said, “I feel so resistant to these shifts. I’m telling myself that you’re frustrated with me as your client.”
As her coach, I was SO glad she felt comfortable enough to push back and share this with me. Then, I knew exactly what needed to happen so she could move past this resistance.
But first, here’s what NOT to do:
I understand on a personal level how annoying it is when a part of you is resistant to doing something that will help you reach goals you really do want. It could be so easy to blame yourself. It’s tempting to doubt your goals and potential. While I’m all for taking full ownership over our businesses and results, now is not the time to beat yourself up.
I don’t even want you asking yourself questions like:
Is this resistance a sign that my goals aren't aligned?
Do I even have what it takes?
What's wrong with me?
Do I want it badly enough?
When you go down that path, you risk an unnecessary spiral into self-doubt—and even worse, shame. Instead of blaming yourself, I want you to start thinking about your resistance in a neutral and curious way.
What if your resistance was not only normal but a GOOD thing?
If you’re thinking, "Jen, how could resistance to something I really want be a good thing?” I’m so glad you asked! Because, while it may feel like resistance, it might actually be reactance.
In Psychological Reactance Theory, the "goal" of you reactance is to preserve your freedom and autonomy. One of the most important universal needs we have as humans is our freedom to choose.
When you feel like you “should” do something, or even when someone well-meaning gives you advice, if you subconsciously feel like you “have” to make that change, there’s a part of you that wants to retain your freedom and choice. So that part rebels.
It’s so common for driven entrepreneurs to have an inner teenager inside, hell-bent on protecting and establishing your freedom.
After all, most of us start working for ourselves because we don’t want anyone else telling us what to do. 😬
When I was initially being trained as a coach about a decade ago, I learned that when my clients showed signs of resistance:
The clients are not the problem.
My approach as a coach was.
It wasn’t that they were unwilling or unmotivated to make changes. I needed to change my strategy as a coach.
So when Layla came to me feeling resistant, I knew exactly what I needed to do: honor and work with her autonomy.
I immediately let her know that, despite the story she was telling herself, I was NOT judging her in the slightest. She wasn’t the problem at all. I was so grateful she shared how she was feeling with me because that allowed me to own that and shift my strategy as her coach to better serve her.
In our next coaching session, we wiped the strategy slate clean, and I asked her a series of simple, powerful questions that allowed her to come up with her own customized strategy that felt aligned and exciting for her to implement.
A couple of days later, she messaged me again, this time to tell me how easy it felt for her to show up and take action toward her goals. She sounded excited and confident in her new direction, which was chef’s kiss to hear as her coach.
You can coach yourself through your own resistance like this too.
First, notice how you’re feeling and get curious about your resistance to see if it’s actually reactance.
Then, investigate what “freedoms” might feel threatened. Was it the suggested strategy or the way it was delivered that’s causing you to push back? Take away the pressure to follow the advice and remind yourself of what you really want.
Finally, remind yourself that the choice is yours. You are the expert of your business and your life. You get to choose how you want to move forward.
This can help you see if the suggestion you received was actually out of alignment with your values, or if you felt reactive and needed a reframe.
Below are some of the questions I ask my clients (and myself) when feelings of resistance pop up:
What freedoms or choices might your resistance be protecting?
If you let go of any “shoulds” what would you choose to do?
What would the wisest version of you do?
What would a response based on your values look like?
Where in your life do you feel like your choices are being limited right now?
If I trusted myself fully, how would I respond to this situation?
Imagine that you've taken that action. What do you imagine the positive outcomes would be?
Why are those outcomes important to you?
What would your next step be?
Next time you receive advice or suggestions that sound great, but you feel resistant to it, dive into those questions above to see what the best way forward is for you.
You may find yourself feeling even more motivated and confident to take action. Your sense of self-trust will also be strengthened, which, in my opinion, is one of the most important skills you can have as an entrepreneur or creative.
If you’ve been feeling resistance in an area of your business or life and want to make a powerful shift towards action, click here or above and I’ll send you an album of free Guided Visualizations designed to help you rewire your mindset for more success.
